Go the Fuck to Sleep
by ThinCeilings
Summary: "Guess it wouldn't be 'Weiss' to stay awake," said Ruby, wriggling underneath the blankets. Weiss squeezed her eyes shut, and thought of creative ways to bash in Ruby's skull. / The bunk bed breaks, so Weiss and Ruby are forced to sleep in the same bed.


Ruby/Weiss. The bunk bed breaks, so Weiss and Ruby are forced to sleep together. Weiss wants to sleep, Ruby doesn't, and Ruby's determined to keep Weiss up with inappropriate questions and poor jokes.

* * *

"The thyroid gland of the Ursa produces an interesting thyroxine comparable to…"

Professor Port droned on and on. At the start of the lesson, the students had been straight-backed and bright-eyed, but now, they were wilting. Hardly anyone was taking notes, and a murmur of chatter rippled underneath Professor Port's monotony.

"Dude," a scrawny student whispered to his friend, "night courses were an awful idea."

"Why am I even here?" His friend moaned.

Weiss Schnee was thinking the same thing. Sprawled over her desk, cheek pressed against the wood, eyes half-lidded, she looked like she was on the brink of death. A few seats away, Ruby was doodling an organ of the Ursa that was definitely not the thyroid gland. On any other day, Weiss would have snatched the doodle and hissed at her to focus on the lesson, but right now she was hardly keeping awake. Last night, Weiss had stayed up until daybreak (or, as Ruby remarked to her later, "asscrack-o'-clock") to study for a test on the history of Dust. Unused to cramming, she had fallen asleep at her desk (in regular clothes), and was shaken awake by a snickering Yang at seven AM.

That was thirteen hours ago.

Thirteen hours.

Thir. Teen. Hours.

An image surfaced of a bedraggled senior with dead, dead eyes, gripping a cup of coffee in shaking hands, rasping about her consistent C- in all of her classes. Weiss' heart skipped a beat. Was that … a premonition? She grew faint. She didn't want to transform into such a monstrous disappointment. She couldn't. She absolutely could not! What kind of a Schnee was she if she couldn't even handle a little pressure? Weiss forced herself to sit up straight, her eyes straying to the clock. She would catch up on her sleep tonight, and nothing was going to get in her way.

Three seconds.

Two seconds.

One.

BRINNNNG! The clock struck ten, and the bell rang, releasing the students from their shackles of academia. The chatter, which had been bubbling beneath the surface, now broke out in full force, drowning out the Professor's shout of, "Test next Tuesday! Study the gallbladder, by God!"

Weiss dragged herself to a stand, scooped up her textbooks, and shuffled into the aisle. Before she could advance more than two steps, Ruby blocked her way. "Heyooo, Weiss! Need help with those books?"

Weiss held her chin high - even though her neck muscles screamed in protest - and shook her head. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'm perfectly able, myself."

"Whatever you say," Ruby said, shrugging. Jostled by sixty other hunters-in-training, all of whom were determined to be the first out, Weiss made for the door. Much to her dismay, the crowd was unable to separate her from Ruby, who stuck by her side like a thorn.

"Hey," Ruby piped up, "there's this secret screening of a faunus and human love story -"

"No thank you," Weiss said curtly, picking up her pace. They had escaped from the classroom to the hallway, flanked on all sides by grumbling students unfortunate enough to take night classes.

"Kay, howzabout dinner? A new place opened -"

"I'm good," said Weiss. She was now striding across the courtyard, long silvery hair streaming out behind her, flipping and snapping like a flag in the autumn breeze. Ruby jogged next to her, obstinately offering more evening plans.

"Okay, wine-tasting!" Ruby snapped her fingers. "I know a guy who -"

"Ruby." Weiss whirled around. She was on the top step of the dorm building, mere feet away from her destination, her holy grail, her bed. She was not going to let Ruby get in her way, no matter how good her intentions. "Good. Night."

And she brushed past Ruby into the dorm.

Now, Weiss thought, tramping down the hallway, lugging her usual lion's share of textbooks, now, I'm going to sleep, finally, finally. When she reached Team RWBY's room, she shifted her textbooks to one arm, and swung the door open.

Hard.

…Too hard.

Compelled by her burning desire to sleep, Weiss had tapped into some inner pool of strength, and had flung open the door with enough force to stop a charging Boarbatusk in its tracks. The entire room shook, shuddered, coughed; no doubt her neighbors would think that a small-scale earthquake was wracking the dorm building. The ropes supporting Ruby's bed snapped, and Weiss watched open-mouthed as the bed sailed through the air, sheets flapping like the wings of a broken bird. With an almighty thump, Ruby's bed landed atop Weiss'. Dust and blankets settled over the ruin. An ache began to form behind her eye.

"Weiss!" Ruby said, entering the room. "I got two tickets to-"

She stopped dead in her tracks, eyes widening.

"-the Giggling Grimm?"

Ruby looked from the wreck to Weiss to the wreck again, mouth opening and closing noiselessly. If Weiss had not been in catatonic shock, then perhaps she could have explained the situation, but as things were, she could only stand there, staring.

"Uh." Ruby's eyes brightened. "No problem! We can fix it."

With a resounding crash, Ruby's bed fell from Weiss' bed and toppled onto the floor. A bedspring shot through Ruby's mattress, and the comforter twisted into a ruin of sawdust and down, a mess far beyond salvation. The ache behind Weiss' eye was pounding like a hammer.

"Guess not," said Ruby weakly. "D'you really hate the bunk beds that much?"

"No! No, I like them." Weiss closed her eyes, hugging the textbooks to her chest. She took a deep breath. At this point, it was better to tell the truth than continue the facade, and with any luck, Ruby would actually leave her alone. "It was an accident. I slammed the door too hard, because I just wanted to sleep. Please. Ruby. Let me have this."

Before Ruby could respond, Yang burst into room, with Blake trailing behind. Yang was laughing her head off at something Blake had said, but when she saw the sad remains of Ruby's bed, the laugh died in her throat. "What the hell?"

Unaffected, Blake retrieved a book from the bedside bookshelf. "I found it. Let's leave."

Yang wrenched her gaze from the wreck. "But the thing!"

"It was an accident!" Ruby said. "Weiss was super tired, so she opened the door too hard, and kablooie went our beds."

"Accident or not, what's done is done." Blake's eyebrows drew together. "I don't blame either of you, but I guess this means that you'll have to sleep together tonight, Yang shut up, " - Yang, who had just been about to make a dirty joke, closed her mouth - "Yang and I would love to help, but we have plans. Sorry." Blake turned to leave, dragging Yang along with her.

"Weiss and Ruby, sittin' in a tree," Yang sang, as she was being pulled into the corridor, "eff-yuu-see-kay-ai-en-"

Ruby slammed door closed, cutting Yang's inventive verses short. Then she turned to Weiss, a grin spreading across her face. "Slumber party."

"Wait," said Weiss, the ache behind her eye giving a particularly painful throb.

"I'll go brush my teeth."

"Wait," said Weiss.

"Hope ya don't mind if I don't wear pants!"

"Wait!" said Weiss. But it was too late. Undoing the clasp of her hood, Ruby skipped off to the bathroom. The door slammed shut, and a moment later, the tap began to run. Weiss stood at the threshold, frozen, knowing what had just transpired, but unwilling to accept it. How… how could this have gone so wrong? She just wanted to sleep, that's all she wanted, she just wanted to sleep, was that too much to ask? Was there a God? She willed her body to move, skirted around the broken bed, and hollowly set her textbooks on the bookshelf. She sat down on her bed. With rigid, robotic movements, she slipped into a white nightgown, and folded her uniform and placed it on the floor. With Ruby in her bed – by her side – pants-less – snoring no doubt – how could she hope to get a wink of sleep?

"Heyo!"

Think of the devil and she will come.

Ruby hopped in front of Weiss with a triumphant "Ta-da!" Having changed out of her uniform, she now wore an oversized t-shirt that draped below her thighs, and from the looks of it, she was indeed lacking pants. Weiss' felt her cheeks grow hot. Despite the exhaustion that weighed down every muscle and bone in her body, she raised her voice.

"For the love of everything holy, wear some undergarments!"

"Duh, 'course I am," Ruby said, and then, without so much as a warning, lifted her t-shirt. Weiss squawked and shielded her eyes to preserve her innocence.

"That is indecent and unladylike and –"

"No, look!"

Against her better judgment, Weiss peeked between the cracks in her fingers. Relief surged through her veins. Ruby was wearing panties, black-and-red striped ones with lace at the top, way too risqué for a fifteen-year-old, but panties nonetheless, thank the Lord. She tore her eyes from Ruby's smooth legs and stiffly slipped under the covers.

"Fine, just… just sleep facing away from me," she said, a wave of tiredness washing over her. Weiss winced as Ruby clambered in, knees digging into arms and hands pressing on shoulders. When Ruby was finally settled in, Weiss turned off the bedside lamp. Save for the pale moonlight that filtered through the curtains, the room was dark.

The bed had been designed for one person, and this was painfully obvious as Ruby squirmed and grunted, trying to find a proper position. She suspected that Yang had not slept in the same bed as Ruby when they were children: surely any sibling of Ruby's would have killed her for thrashing and worming in the bed. Weiss bore the torture silently, but when Ruby kicked up the covers for the ninth time, Weiss could suffer no more. She grabbed all of the sheets and pulled them over herself.

"Hey!" Ruby said. "I'm cold."

"Too bad."

"I'm cold," whined Ruby. Weiss sighed and shoved half of the blankets over. Ruby snuck underneath them, paused, then suddenly wriggled up against Weiss. "Penguin attack!"

"Penguin what - ?" Weiss suppressed a gasp; Ruby's hands and feet were ice-cold, and they left goosebumps where flesh met flesh. Ruby's breath, damp, hot, brushed the nape of her neck. She repressed a shudder.

"I thought I told you to face away!"

"But penguins huddle when it's cold," said Ruby. After each word, a puff of breath touched her neck. "Don'tcha wanna be nice and cozy?"

She did have a point, said an unbiased, totally impartial part of Weiss' brain. "Whatever, just…" She tightened her grip on the sheets. "Just don't breathe. It bothers me."

"Uh."

"Not so loudly, I mean."

"Aye-aye."

It didn't help. On the contrary, it made the situation worse. Ruby was indeed making a valiant effort not to breathe, and Weiss gave her points for that. But her solution was to take great gulps of air, hold her breath, and then exhale all at once, so that hot air caressed Weiss' neck more intimately than ever before.

"Stop, stop," Weiss said in a strained voice when it was obvious that her plan wasn't working. "Forget it, breathe normally."

"Um, okay."

There was a long stretch of silence. It took some time, but Weiss eventually got used to Ruby's breath rustling against her neck. It even started to feel normal, comforting, and she was beginning to slip into sleep when a voice interrupted the tranquil.

"Weiss?"

She grunted.

"Do trees have feelings?"

Weiss buried her face into her pillow. She had a feeling that Ruby would pull shit like this, and now that it was actually happening, she could only pray.

"No. Trees do not have feelings, Ruby," she said, her voice muffled against the pillow.

"Says who?"

"Ruby. No. Stop. Do not proceed."

"People once thought that the earth was flat."

Weiss turned around and glared at Ruby, whose face was glowing faintly in the moonlight. To her credit, she looked dead serious.

"Go to sleep." She flipped back around, upsetting the blankets, which Ruby cheerfully readjusted.

"Hey. Hey. Truth or dare?"

"Ughh. Truth."

There was a pause. "Got it!" Weiss could hear the smile in her voice. "Are you a virgin?"

Weiss choked. She whirled around again, nostrils flaring. "Excuse me?"

"Kidding! What's your favorite fruit?"

Weiss glared, turned away, and pulled the blankets up to her chin. "…Strawberries."

"Virgin strawberries?"

"Oh my God," Weiss whispered to herself, "oh my fucking God." She counted to ten Mississippis, suppressing violent urges. She didn't grace Ruby's question with a response, but Ruby wasn't discouraged. If anything, she seemed to be egged on by her silence.

"Guess it wouldn't be 'Weiss' to stay awake."

Weiss squeezed her eyes shut, and thought of creative ways to bash in Ruby's skull. She could use a hammer.

"Did you 'Schnee'ze?"

No, no. Too messy. Maybe an ice pick.

"In my case, it wouldn't be 'Weiss' to even 'Schnee'ze."

A crowbar.

"Heh, heh, heh."

Was she laughing at her own joke?

"Heh, heh, heh."

She was laughing at her own joke. A jackhammer should suffice, she thought, a suitable punishment for such a heinous crime. Satisfied with her choice of murder weapon, Weiss began drifting off, her grasp slipping on the waking world. For some reason, Ruby's voice was growing quieter and quieter. Her body began to relax, softening, fitting more naturally against Ruby's. She was drifting and floating and disappearing into the dark, and soon the feeling of Ruby's legs tangled in her own was fading away…

She was faintly aware of warm breath against her neck…

Those hands and feet weren't so cold anymore…

She was falling asleep…

* * *

Snap.

"They're adorable!"

"Mm-hmm."

Snap, snap.

"And gay."

"Very."

Yang lowered the camera. She and Blake were hovering over Weiss' bed, amused at the sight before them. After Yang and Blake had returned from their late-night excursion, they had found the two sound asleep in the same bed, and unwilling to disturb them, had left them alone. However, they - rather, Yang - couldn't help but document the event in the morning.

Ruby grunted in her sleep. Yang snapped another picture.

"Careful," cautioned Blake. "The camera's noisy. You might wake them up."

Yang grinned. "So? Lookit them!"

Weiss and Ruby were indeed a sight to behold. Ruby was hugging Weiss around the waist, and the blankets were draped around their intertwined legs. If Yang didn't know any better, she'd say that her little sister had fallen asleep whispering into Weiss' ear, for her head was nuzzled in the crook of Weiss' neck. Ruby had nestled her hand in Weiss'.

"Aww, they're even holding hands," said Yang, pointing out their interlocked fingers. She took a few more pictures, only stowing away the camera when Blake tugged at her shirt-sleeve.

"Come on, Yang. Let's not disturb them."

"Right." Yang backed out the door slowly, wanting to look at the dozing girls for as long as possible. When they were in the hall, and had shut the door behind them, Yang turned to Blake and grinned.

"These pics are so going in the blackmail album."

"Agreed."


End file.
